If I had to choose between going out and watching Netflix, I as many others, would choose Netflix in a heartbeat. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes going out for a cocktail with friends and grinding on strangers is my idea of a good time, but that’s about as often as I exercise. I just can’t help myself, when that fucking next episode and the counting down numbers appear on the side of my screen, even if I don’t press “Play” it will pick it for me. It’s so bad that there have been nights where I was so enraptured by a show that I would tell someone I couldn’t go out. There’s nothing wrong with this, staying in is great for a broke college grad, you save money, don’t get STDs, eat week old leftovers, life is pretty good. The issue here is that it has destroyed my social life. Once I settle down in bed or on the couch with a season of Bob’s Burgers the desire to do anything is murdered. Maybe I’m just weak-willed and can’t motivate myself, but this is a problem facing everyone with Netflix. There have been far too many nights where I have opted out of spending time with human beings to watch hours of a show I have already seen. On more than one occasion I have had plans fall through simply because all of us are too tired and have fallen into the clutches of the seductress known as Auto-Play.
Okay, so maybe that’s a bit of an assumption, there are plenty of people who don’t have my same problem. The worst thing is though, when you find that Netflix comrade, dates became centered around episodes or movies. I should have just changed my Tinder bio permanently to “Netflix and Chill” because then I could have gotten out of going of leaving my house on even more occasions. Because let’s be honest, I’m inviting you over to my place at 2 am for one thing, and that’s to have sex while Netflix plays in the background. I don’t want to know about your sister’s kid, your ex-girlfriend, or your work problems. I let Netflix lead my social life, because why bother talking about real life problems when you can quote your favorite The Office episodes. It’s the perfect crutch to keep being an emotionally damaged robot. Would I ever take the plunge and delete it? Hell no! Would I perhaps turn off the TV on occasion and go out? Maybe. I have settled myself into a habit that I can’t break. I hate myself a bit for not being able to find the motivation to get up and go out, but I’m waiting for a day when I’ve watching literally everything there is to watch, and Netflix loses her powerful grip on my life. Until then, I apologize for my future and past excuses to get out of going out, because I mean there’s a new season of Jessica Jones coming out soon and they just released Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt season two, so I have a lot of binging to do in the next few days. So fuck you Netflix, you beautiful addictive bastard.