As you all are well aware, I have been Tindering like a motherfucker. This being said, the amount of ridiculous shit that is asked to me deserves about 50 blog posts. I mean, what is it about talking to an attractive stranger that brings out the idiocy in people. I will say though, they do have some serious cajones. Messaging a stranger with some sort of clever line in hopes of them responding takes a level of skill and talent. I know for myself I’m most likely to respond to a question, joke, or cheesy pick up line than a Heyy, hi, or hello.
This post is specifically about the sheer amount of times people have asked me whether or not my tattoos are real. The image featured on this post is my Tinder profile picture, just so you have a frame of reference. I want to know what bitch is out there covering herself in fake tattoos and running around on a daily basis. Like, who even are you? Are you so incapable of committing to a tattoo design that you plaster yourself with realistic looking dupes? This question has occurred enough that I know something is triggering men to ask me this.
No wonder people make that terrible joke about “taking a girl swimming” on the first date. Perhaps this is not just in reference to make up, but to fake tattoos. It actually disturbs me that people assume I am parading around with fake ink. My tattoos were crafted and earned through hours of sitting, poking, and being topless with my tattoo artist. I mean we’ve all witnessed the metallic stick on tattoos that people wear to music festivals to get that perfect festival insta, but have you seen those ridiculously realistic looking ones? I mean if you’ve watched any films or television shows usually those tattoos aren’t real. Wait! Maybe people think I’ve taken the time to hire a full time make up artist to handcraft my tattoos on a daily basis? Yes, because that makes the most fucking sense, doesn’t it.
I feel that this may have something to do with an ingrained sexism people have. Not just men, but women as well. I mean it is common, but not super common for women to have a ton of tattoos, especially visible ones. I know many women opt for small pieces, rib pieces, and thigh pieces that can be covered for work, while men have more bicep and arm pieces. If you weren’t aware I have forearm tattoos, a half sleeve, and a chest piece, and maybe something about them seems unrealistic? Please let me know what it is about my tattoos that seems so unreal, I’d really like to know.
I lied. This fucking exists. I googled some images of fake tattoos so I could put one in this post and I found this girl! You! You are the reason people keep asking me stupid shit. I want to dislike her, but damn, she’s actually super talented for crafting this look with eyeliner and eyeshadow. If you look at the view counter, this does have over a million views… Where was I, when did this become a trend? I used to draw with pen on my arms in high school, but it looked like a high schooler had drawn on my arm with a black pen. According to her, she has been doing this for around a year, like I don’t even understand, you’ve taken fake tattoos to a whole new level. I always associated it with those stupid fruit roll ups that you lick and stick to your tongue.
I guess the random guys on Tinder have their question rooted in fact. Nothing makes sense anymore, I think I’m going to go stare at a wall and question my existence.