An Ode to Booty

I love booty.  I love my booty, I love boy booty, I love girl booty, I like big and small booty, I just love booty.  They’re squishy and soft and wonderful.  Am I actually Tina Belcher? Yes, yes I am.  All I want for Christmas?  Is to touch your butt.

So yes, my love of the booty has been established.  But I want to talk about the views on booty.  I remember when I was growing up the shape that was common in women’s bodies seemed to be large breasts and a small bum.  I mean just look at Barbie.  She has a flat little butt and big boobs that in reality would have been like an E cup and she would have needed breast reduction surgery.  There is literally no way someone with that figure would be able to survive in everyday life without being in severe pain 24 hours a day.

Anywho, I digress.  In recent years, it is all about that ass.  It’s kind of funny when you think about it.  The sexualization of women shifted from the tits, to the ass. Don’t get me wrong, people are still all about them titties, but this post is about dat ass.  Why?  Because there have been some comments made about booty as of late that need to be eliminated from everyone’s minds forever.

I want to apologize because I think I have been hating on people with smaller booties, and that’s not fair.  If you can wear those hella short shorts without your bum sticking out, more props to you.  This is to let all you lovely human beings know, that all your booties are great.  Is it big, small, pancake-shaped, hairy, has a mole, stretch marks?  Who cares.  Your booty is booty-ful.  Oh god, that was just so bad, I hate myself so much for typing that but I won’t take it back because it’s true.

I know that people in general are super self conscious about every aspect of themselves.  I know that I don’t like having hair on my stomach, but you know what, I can wax it or shave it because it makes me happy.  Hell, I tattooed an entire intricate chandelier on my chest, just so you focus on that rather than the dark hair the trails down the center of my body.  I took my insecurity and made it into art.

Do you have stretch marks or cellulite?  I know I do.  They’re not ugly and annoying, they’re artwork. They make your butt unique, just like the scars and dimples on your face.  They’re these beautiful sharp lines and little butt dimples that hug your curves and show that your thighs and bum have gotten plump and ready for lovin’.  Who out there could possibly be upset that you have more booty than you did before?  Some crazy ass motherfucker, that’s who.  And you don’t need that kind of booty negativity in your life.

If the person you’re with isn’t totally and completely into your booty, GET THE FUCK OUT.  They should love the feeling of your thighs on their cheeks and appreciate that your booty is perfect and amazing and needs all the smooches, nibbles, and slaps.  It doesn’t matter how big it is or if it’s smooth or has peach fuzz.  Your bum is amazing and I think it’s great.  Don’t believe me?  Find me, I will grab the hell out of that booty.  But only if you give me permission or we’re friends because I believe that consent is very important because sexual assault is a real thing and I respect your feelings more than anything else.

Goodness, does this even have a point to it?  I don’t know.  I guess I’ve just been thinking about all my insecurities and all y’all’s insecurities when it comes to body shape and whatnot, and I want you all to know that we can get past it.  It’s just a minor part of who you are as a person, and nothing should stop you from being happy and feeling confident.  Because that’s really the sexiest thing any person can be, confident.

Leave a Reply