Society today looks down on casual sex. Even if we convince ourselves otherwise, there is still this deeply ingrained mentality that sex should be between people who are in a relationship. The grey area in between is completely ignored and it is looked at in black and white. I could write an entire other post on the types of relationships people can have, such as polyamorous, friend with benefits, asexual partners, and so on. So I am here today to make the case for one night stands, and why you should try it once.
If you have been following me since the beginning I know that you know my stance on casual sex, that I prefer it. I have pretty much only had casual sex, never any sort of relationship sex. Let me paint you a picture:
You’ve been with your current partner for a year or so. That new romance feeling has faded and at this point you’re adjusting to the other persons habits and behaviors. Perhaps you’ve started discussing moving in with one another, or you already do live together. The thing is, you don’t know if you’re stuck in this relationship. Is it really something I want? If I picture myself 10 years down the line is it with you? There are those feelings that maybe this person isn’t right for you, and you don’t realize that this is normal. It’s okay to question your relationship. Maybe you’ve been fighting even more lately, or maybe you barely speak to each other at all.
After one particularly bad night you end up breaking up. It was bound to happen, you should have seen the signs. You go out for a drink by yourself. It’s been a long week, everything seems to be spiraling down and all you want is a scotch and some time to think. As you sit there some stranger comes up and starts to strike up a conversation. You want to ignore them, but they seem genuine, and what’s the harm in having a conversation. Eventually though you became aware of how attractive the stranger is. They have a cute smile that has a dimple on the left side, and they smell like summer. It’s been an hour of conversation, and they lean over and ask if you want to come back to their place for a drink. Feeling excited and nervous you agree.
Following them back to their apartment your arms brush together and you can’t help but giggle every time they say something. You know what you’ve agreed to, but you’re not sure. You’d only been with your partner for the last year, and after awhile you had a routine and sex became mundane. As soon as you get into the apartment, their lips are one yours. It’s different from what you’re used to, but you don’t mind, it’s passionate and you grab their head to pull them closer. Clothes are removed and shoes are kicked off haphazardly as you make your way towards the bed. There’s no knowing how this will go, but you don’t care. You are direct and honest with what you want, telling them where to go, how hard to do it, where to kiss, where to bite, and every little thing that turns you on. They do the same for you and you’re entranced by how two perfect strangers can have sex that is all about their needs, not about feelings, but just the most basic sexual needs are being satisfied.
In the morning you wake up, give the stranger a kiss goodbye, and walk out the door, head held high. They offer you breakfast but you decline. You don’t know anything beyond their first name, but you know it felt right. Your vigor for sex and life is back, because one break up isn’t the end of the world, there are so many possibilities that you shiver at the anticipation.
Okay, so maybe a bit dramatic, I’ll admit. I know that it got you thinking about that cute stranger who made eyes at you this weekend. Because sex isn’t something that you should be ashamed of, especially if you just want sex and not a relationship. Not feeling like you have to pretend what you like and being honest with what you want can be accomplished during a one night stand. Sometimes the one night stand will be less than remarkable, and sometimes it will surprise you in ways you never thought they could. A one night stand shouldn’t be about the shame of the misnamed “Walk of Shame.” No. They should be about discovery and desire.
Human beings need the human touch. They need to be kissed and embraced and fucked and have skin on someone elses’ skin. There’s nothing wrong with giving in to your sexuality and doing what feels good. A one night stand is about sexual liberation!
Now, for some people sex is very intimate and to be naked and trust someone with your body can be intimidating. That’s why you should go outside your comfort zone and try it. You have nothing to be nervous or ashamed about because your partner will also have insecurities. This helps to combat them because it is about pleasure, not putting someone under a microscope to analyze every part of them. Get out of your head and focus on the sex. Don’t let self-consciousness take away confidence in bed. This is the time to unapologetically you.
These are the times to get hilarious stories to tell you friend about how you tried to have sex outside and fell over. Or you both heard a song you loved and stopped in the middle to belt out the lyrics to “Dirty Diana.” It should be fun and casual and about nothing more than getting you and your partner off. If at the end you realize that casual sex isn’t for you, that’s great, at least you experienced a one night stand. It’s when you stay in a sexual bubble and don’t step outside what makes you comfortable that you will stay sexually stinted. There isn’t a “normal” way to have sex, so explore the options and opportunities, you may like something you never thought you would.
Now I am not saying to throw all caution to the wind. There are still safe ways to have a one night stand. Ask if they’ve been tested for STD’s, if they have condoms, if they’re on birth control, or if they’re in a relationship. These shouldn’t, again, be seen as uncomfortable, they are part of what is sexually responsible. Don’t let the stigma against casual sex keep you from being safe. Your safety is the most important, and if something feels wrong you can walk away. Getting hot and heavy with a stranger by just making out can be equally as fun.
So go forth. Text that cute person on Tinder and bump uglies in the park. Have a good one night stand story? I want to hear about it!