New Girl Predicted my Failed Relationship

It ended as it started:  abruptly and with only one person being upset.

New Girl, if you haven’t seen it, you’ve probably heard of it at the very least.  Quickest synopsis of all time.  Jess, the main character breaks up with her boyfriend of six years and moves into a loft with three guys she meets on Craigslist.  They get into all sorts of hi-jinx, and Nick and Jess the two roommates end up together for a period of time.

I remember our first kiss vaguely.  Maybe we were sprawled on the couch, an episode of Bob’s Burgers playing in the background. Or maybe it was an awkward goodbye kiss at the backdoor as he left.  Who knows, it was forgettable to say the least.  He was just this guy I had class with, who stumbled into my life and we started making out occasionally.  We hung out pretty much everyday, it was bound to happen eventually, we’ll call him Nate.

Let me preface this next part by saying, I am an asshole.  I had been sleeping with a different guy for about five months before we called it off, we will call him Luke.  After being apart for about two months  Luke texted me after a rather rocky separation asking to have sex.  Having been on a bit of a dry spell I asked my housemates whether I should.  They vehemently opposed this decision as they sort of hated the guy.  Which is totally fine, that’s why I asked in the first place.  Now mind you, at this point I had been macking on Nate for a month or two, and rightly asked him if he wanted to have sex.  Red-faced and stuttering he said no.

He fucking said no.  To me.  I’m not one to toot my own horn, but I’m fairly attractive and no one has ever said no to having sex with me, ever.  This was a slap in the face.  Me being rather dense and as aforementioned, an asshole, kept pestering him as to why he wouldn’t say yes.  After what felt like hours I broke him down.  He sat on my bed, looking down intently at his hands refusing to make eye contact with me, and confessed that he liked me.  “Ooh, that’s rough buddy” was what I intended to say.  Instead I brought up our first conversation after macking, and how I said that if he caught the feels he would have to tell me so we could break it off because I wasn’t interested in having a relationship, just someone to fool around with.  I ended up telling him that he should leave and that we should spend some time apart.

I shuffle him out the door, pick up my phone, and message Luke to say I’m on my way.  Yep, kind of shitty, but I wanted to have sex, and I was going to get laid.  Fast forward now, about two days later and Nate has messaged me and asked to hang out.  Alright, I think to myself, this is fine, he made the first move.  He comes over and we’re watching the episode titled “Fluffer.” Me being me, I keep making jokes that Nate is my fluffer.  Or someone who does boyfriend things, but someone else gets the sex.  The context of this episode is basically that Nick is Jess’s fluffer.  He does boyfriend things but she’s sleeping with Sam, her friend with benefits.  I thought this was fucking hilarious, like this was my life.  Eventually Nate snaps and says, “It’s not like either of us is having sex!”  “I totally am,” I countered snarkily.

Fuck.  Me.  He looks at me, his face drains of color, and he asks.  “Did you have sex with Luke after I told you I liked you?” “Yeah.”  Pissed, he storms out, “That’s ice cold. I don’t think we’ll be seeing each other again, so have a good life.” He storms out the door and out of the house.  My housemate who had been sitting on the couch walks in to ask what had happened.  I was mad because he was completely unjustified in his anger towards me.  Just because he liked me he assumed I was his and he owned my body and decisions.

I was about to move home for the summer so I didn’t mind this all happening.  But you’ll never guess who texted me a few weeks into summer, you guessed it, Nate.  He apologized and said he’d still like to spend time with me.  We started to spend time together as platonic friends. Then came the episode “Quick Hardening Caulk” where Jess starts to become attracted to  Nick because he becomes the type of man she idealizes.  Nate started to become my type subtlety.  He started to dress better, had grown out facial hair, and tried to have a “chill” attitude.  I was lonely and blinded by these new changes.  Just as Jess was.

Then came “First Date” where Nick and Jess have an awkward first date.  Nick doesn’t tell Jess it’ a date and it’s so awkward.  Nate and I had our first date and it wasn’t awkward, just non-romantic.  It was two friends having food.  I don’t know, looking back now I had a good time, but it wasn’t anything special.  We literally had a brief moment where we were like, this is a date? I’ve been on tons of first dates and this was the most ordinary.

It was in “Winston’s Birthday” episode that I should have realized that this relationship was doomed.  In this episode Nick and Jess have sex for the first time and it’s basically mind-blowing for them.  It was the culmination of months and months of sexual tension finally being released. I remember the first time we had sex, and it wasn’t that.  I didn’t have a moment like that with him.  The sex was meh, and if anything I felt ashamed.  I didn’t want it as much as he did.  I didn’t take my own fuck buddy advice and started a FWB relationship with him.  Of course it was going to go down in flames.

Maybe I was caught up in the moment, snuggled into bed watching “Elaine’s Big Day” where Jess is finally able to tell Nick her feelings.  I turned to Nate and told him I loved him.  I didn’t.  I loved him as a friend, but I wasn’t in love with him.  I couldn’t distinguish between these two emotions and I fucked up.  We officially started dating, the day before I left or Europe.  I feel like I spent half of my trip consoling him for being lonely.

If you didn’t guess, we broke up.  I dumped him almost exactly a month after we’d started dating.  There were many factors that came into play, that I won’t go into here to protect his privacy.  What I will tell you though is I knew it wouldn’t last.  He wasn’t who I thought he was and he felt more strongly about me than I did for him.  I wasn’t even broken up about it afterwards.

Nick and Jess break up in “Mars Landing” because they realize that the only thing they have in common was their feelings together.  In Nate and I’s case, it was the opposite, we had tons of things in common, but we didn’t have feelings in common.  I should have paid more attention to New Girl, it was telling me what was going to happen as it was happening.

So what is my advice to all of you?  If the show you’re watching feels like it’s following your life, listen to it.  I didn’t, and I ended up in a failed month long relationship with a guy I didn’t have feelings for.  It’s funny and sad, but it’s life.  The last episode of season three is called “Cruise” where they booked a trip together when they were still a couple.  It solidified that they had feelings but it would never work.  Yeah, Nate and I?  We had class together for the entire next semester.

Could have been worse though, we could have been living together.




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