I love sex and, I’m not a virgin. Whoa, shocker. I know. Many of you all are not virgins, who also enjoy sex. Mind blowing. And just as many of you are virgins, who are happy never having sex, or simply waiting for the right peron. Male, female, trans*, gender queer, or non-gender conforming peeps, it doesn’t matter, and yet it does. Sex and virginity are the dirty words staining the tongues of our nations youth, and that’s wrong.
Virginity is just a concept created by religion that placed an importance on an aspect of life that no longer holds the same importance. Sex happens, virginity doesn’t need to have any meaning and that’s what we need to get past. Especially for women, it is something that has an obvious and glaring amount of doubt around it, men can have sex without their partner knowing the status of their virginity. But why should it even matter. Sex isn’t about being married or status, it’s about mutal respect, consent, and pleasure. That’s what it comes down to. It’s about a mutual desire to have sex, a trust between two, or three people, getting your partner(s) off, getting yourself off, and having a good time. If love and emotions are involved, kudos to you, if not, fantastic. As long as the parties involved are consenting, it’s all good.
So why don’t we talk about it to kids like that. Being a young age is really the perfect time to introduce concepts of consent and sex positive language. Things like saying “no” is okay, and you should respect when someone else says “no,” is a simple lesson that can be taught in a diverse manner of situations. That can later in life be applied to sex, the madness, I know. That and the fact that genitalia does not define you, it is not dirty, it’s not gross, it’s just a part of the human body. It shouldn’t be touched by strangers, but you are safe with your doctor and yourself. Calling genitlia by it’s name is vital, stop referring to them by euphemisms, because even as an adult I can tell you it took me until my late teens to use the word vagina without being embarssed. I was ashamed of saying the word or anyone else talking about it, because I was always taught that it’s something you keep to yourself.
As someone who is not a parent, but has been parented, I wish we had been more honest about sex. Even though it would have been mortifying and embarrassing as an adolescent, then it wouldn’t have seemed like such a “cool” and “edgy” thing to do in high school. It would have created an amount of logic to a topic that I had only known about through the snickering of young boys.
Just a damn talk about safe sex would have been nice. I’m sure other people did have a more informative sex ed talk, but mine wasn’t even introduced as a concept until high school. Coming from a trained professional does make it easier, but having the understanding of your own parent is helpful in knowing that you’re not weird of wrong for having feelings of lust, but learning how to control them and release them in a safe and respectful way. Parents can still be there to listen, they may not want to hear it, but don’t you want your offspring to be smart and not produce their own offspring until they’re old enough and finanically stable? There’s nothing wrong with having sex, it your choice, but let them know that there’s no pressure. Don’t make it so your child can’t be honest about wanting to go on birth control and need condoms or a dental dam.
To the damn kids who are out there having sex just because they think everyone else is in high school, trust me, they’re not. It’s all big talk and bragging, rarely are those guys in the locker room having sex with college girls. Most sex will occur between teenagers in relationships. This being said, it is pressure from one of the partners to have sex, that is so dangerous. A partner forcibly having sex with you is rape. If you don’t say “YES,” it’s rape. If you change your mind and want to stop, and they don’t, that’s rape. As a country we have such a fucking stigma about everything related to sex and sexuality that we aren’t educating anyone about consent when it could be life-saving. Schools need to talk about what it means to be a consenting adult. That, and the fact that having sex young, waiting to have sex, or not wanting to have sex at all are all totally normal feelings.
Sex education is a completely pathetic, and outdated class that provides little to no relevant information to sexually budding teens. Firstly, they don’t cover anything besides heterosexual oral and penetrative sex. They ignore completely the homosexual community and how their sexual protection differs. Just because you have the same gender as your partner doesn’t mean you don’t have to use the same caution and protection, it doesn’t mean you always have to say yes. Sex can vary, but protection is still important to lower the STI rate that has spiked in the last few years. Not such a surprise seeing the constant abistence only preaching that is found in schools. There’s no equality and open honesty about what sex will be like, there’s no talk about how to be a good partner in terms of talking about getting tested before having sex to avoid spreading any possible STIs. Planned Parenthood is a great soluion, you can go together if you want, pee in a cup and you’ll know in a week that you’re safe to get down and dirty.
The focus on safe sex is of course overshadowed by the preaching of abstinence and in the process never is it mentioned that sex is about giving and receiving pelasure. Talk about ways to give feedback to a partner that you’re enjoying something or don’t like something when it comes to literally everything. If you don’t tell your sexual partners, they won’t know because they can’t read minds. Did teeth graze your penis too roughly, tell them. Did they suck too hard on your clitorous, tell them. Did you like the neck nibbles, tell them. Did you like that ass slap and subsequent hand print, tell them. Why do we go on and on about safe sex, but not what sex’s end goal is, orgasms for everyone involved. Raise a sex positive generation of people who know that if they’re not mature enough to go to a class and talk about sex and pleasure, they shouldn’t be doing it. Simple as that.
What really irks me is that anal sex is essentially ignored as a kind of sex. As it can have a “homosexual” connotation as it were, it is glossed over. It’s important to teach safety, cleanliness, and how to be respectful and read your partner during anal sex. Rather than getting outright information, teenagers and even adults have to rely on the pornographic portrayal of anal, which is far from accurate. If you’re going to have anal sex there’s a level of preparation that has to be done, rather than some making out and all of a sudden you’re bent over the kitchen table lubed up with olive oil going at it like mad. If you’re going to have anal sex, communication is key, and condoms are still a must.
If you want a generation of people to be smart, safe, and satisfied sexually, have better sex positive education. If you don’t, they’ll never learn how to have good sex. Instead they’ll learn from porn, and have negative sexual experiences until they’re older. Yes, there’s a learning curve to sex, but only because young people are too shy to come outright and ask for advice and tips. Sex doesn’t have to be so stigmatized, most people will have sex in their lifetime, and it doesn’t need to be awful for one or both of the partners involved. So ask yourself, have I called my genitalia by it’s proper name today?