Have you ever woken up and realized that your day was going to suck? I normally sleep naked, it’s good for the health and there’s nothing as soothing as soft sheets on freshly shaven legs, hell or hairy legs, it sort of tickles. Anywho, I was running a bit behind because it’s Monday, I don’t normally get out of my bed until 30 minutes or so after my alarm has gone off. As I was running late my morning routine was a bit off, so when I headed to the bathroom, rather than being naked, I had put on my jeans and bralette. I go to sit down, and *PLOMP* my motherfucking phone falls from the butt pocket of my jeans into the toilet. I scoop my poor baby up, but it’s too late. Alright great, I think to myself, I will just haul ass and find the rice (I live in an Asian household there’s always rice) but today I can’t find the goddamn thing. So I turn off my phone to be safe, and finish getting ready. Eventually I find the rice in one of the most stupid hiding places in the laundry room, like what even were you thinking. Whatever it’s fine, my day will go on. I fill my coffee mug up and head out, I’m a bit late to work which is okay because it’s always slow first thing in the morning. I go to grab my coffee, and the thing has spilled all over my cup holders, and on the floor, fantastic. It just keeps getting better doesn’t it?
I made it to work, so everything should be fine and dandy. Lies. I am working to set up the Greenhouse for the season, which involves lifting a lot of metal shelves and other objects. In the short hours I was working I managed to gouge a piece of skin off my hand, and rip a long gash along the newest of my tattoos. Merp. But everything is still good I get to leave at noon because I have to meet a utility man at two and leave early. I book it out of work because I am of course behind, and realize my gas light has turned on, no big deal, just stop at the BP down the road to fill up. There’s a sort of dangerous intersection where two highways merge, so traffic stops to my left, but I have the right of way. I’m going 60 mph, and this red Prius pulls out in front of me and I have to slam on my breaks. Come on! Fuck you and your stupid Iowa plates and your stupid hybrid car. At this point I’m so salty I could be a Pringle, but I have made it to the BP only to realize I didn’t have my wallet, because of course I didn’t bring my wallet. So I have to drive back to the hardware store and nab my mom’s credit card because it’s too far to make it home without filling up. I finally made it home, about an hour before the utility guys are supposed to arrive. With my luck they’ll murder me, because fuck you, that’s why.