Being Called Ugly and Why it was Awesome

About two years ago I lived and studied in Seoul, South Korea.  While there I had some experiences I had never had before.  Some of the good ones included learning to speak Korean, eating Korean BBQ, and going to a sex amusement park (check out my YouTube channel for the video!).  Along with great new experiences, I also had bad ones:  being sexually assaulted in a club, someone soliciting me for sex, and someone calling me ugly.  This is the story of the first time a boy called me ugly and why it changed me for the better.

I was at a club after one of the weirdest nights I’d ever experienced in Korea, and a guy had been making eyes at me so we started dancing.  Things were going well, we left the club and sat outside, talking and drinking beer.  He invited me to breakfast, a normal practice, and I was so goddamn tired I just headed home.  The boy and I exchanged numbers and messaged.  He was a bit odd, but I was drunk, tired, and didn’t give any fucks.

Fast forward to a few days later and he wanted to meet up.  Through messaging he had been giving me some weird vibes, and I didn’t really want to.  A brief side note:  foreigners in Korea, especially American females are considered loose and easy to get into bed. He kept making comments about splitting motel costs, and I was too nice to tell him to eat a dick.  I am not fully in the clear during this situation, because I didn’t say “No,” but rather just let it drag on being super non committal about everything.  I was a bit of a dick, but that little voice in my head told me to not meet up with him.  So long story short, we made plans to meet up, that I don’t quite remember agreeing to, and I didn’t show up.  The photo below is the stream of messages I received.


Ignore the poorly written English of it all, the grammar nerd in me wanted to slap a hoe, and look at the content.  As someone who had never been called ugly before, this hurt.  I don’t know why, but I think it’s a fear at the back of everyone’s mind that their outer appearance will be the reason someone doesn’t like them.  If someone doesn’t like my personality that’s their own damn problem.  That means someone got to know me enough to form an opinion that didn’t find our personalities compatible, and that is an adult and fully reasonable way to act.  To comment on someone’s appearance is because you just want to hurt someone.  Basically being called ugly for me was just about as hurtful as being called a bitch or a slut, sure it stings a little, but that means a person is just trying to get under your skin.
Now almost two years after the incident I can say that being called ugly was great.  I can laugh about it because it happened, that terrible moment where a boy didn’t think I was pretty, and you know what?  I survived.  I’ve become a more confident person because of it.  It’s a shitty experience, yes, but when you rise above it and continue to love yourself, that’s when you win.  Fuck that guy.  I hope he knows that the only one who missed out, was him.

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