When I was in nursery school, I had my first love.  His name was Jack, he used to chase me around the playground.  It was innocent and wonderful and ended as soon as I moved away.  It’s been over two decades and I couldn’t tell you what his hair color was, let alone his last name.  But I know in my child-brain, that I loved him.

When I was in primary school, I had my first kiss.  It was my best friends twin brother, we used to kiss under the blankets.  It wasn’t sexual so much as it was exploratory.  I remember the sweltering heat under the covers, and that he smelled like ketchup. It’s been two decades and the longest conversation we’ve shared in recent years was about Pokemon.

When I was in secondary school, I had my first crush on a girl.  It was strange and exciting and I knew I felt about her what I had never felt about boys in my past.  This felt different and special and exciting.  We shared kisses and brief moments of eye contact that had me giggling with glee.  I felt like a different person when I was with her. But then we grew up, and grew apart, because we couldn’t be together.

When I was in high school, I had my first girlfriend.  Who knows if it counted as “real” dating, but I was happy.  We texted and chatted, held hands, and kissed as much as we could.  Who knows if I was doing it to be rebellious or because I had real feelings, but all I know is I thought I was happy. Dating another girl was like dating myself and all of my anxiety and low self esteem was reflected back. It eventually went sour, we broke up, and I vowed to only date boys. So I did just that, I had relationships with exclusively boys at that point, until one day, I didn’t have relationships at all.

When I was a first year in college, I stopped having sex.  A sex drive that was normally through the roof was nonexistent.  I was happy just having friends and creating bonds that lasted me through school and beyond.  Occasionally I would get aroused, but for the most part there was nothing.  I met my heterosexual life partner and I was convinced I would never have sex again and would be fine with being asexual.

When I was a third year in college, I lived in Korea. I met a boy who was from Milwaukee, and I was from Madison. He was tall, sturdy, and smelled like cigarettes and after shave. He was a one night stand I will never regret. I realized I was a sexual being, and got some of my mojo back. I started sleeping with a lot of Korean men, they didn’t like to perform oral, and sometimes we barely had the words to communicate.

When I graduated, my sex drive was revitalized.  I began sleeping with men, but started to also explore the option of sleeping with a vast array of partners.  There are times where I have sex with a different partner every day, and other times where I’ll go weeks without sex at all.  I have found non-binary, male, and female partners. There are no limitations, only pure attraction. This is the healthiest I have felt in terms of my sexuality because there are no boundaries and no boxes that are “right” and “wrong.” Rather there are just possibilities of love and lust.

SEXUALITY IS FLUID.  Oh I’m sorry, one more time for the people in the back:

SEXUALITY IS FLUID.

What I’m trying to say here, is that if one person can go through such significant stages of sexuality, so can every other goddamn motherfucking person in the world.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, queer, bisexual, pansexual, straight, or asexual.  And there is definitely nothing wrong with transitioning between them as you mature.  Sexuality is far from stable, it is a beautiful fluid current in which moments and people can diverge your path and alter your perception of love.

Where are the courses in school that teach children about this?  I don’t see them, I see them putting these young people into boxes and labels that define them as one or the other, male or female, gay or straight, with no room for inevitable transitions that occur through puberty.  Children have such malleable minds and bodies and not accepting that fact results in a generation of sexually ignorant individuals.  Sexual ignorance is dangerous, because then youths grow up and don’t understand consent, orientation, or promiscuity.

When these things aren’t understood, that’s what we have hate crimes, rape, and unhealthy sexual relationships.  Human beings are fickle, emotions, decisions, and sexuality are something that change based on experiences.

Next time you’re chatting with a child don’t put them in a box.  Ask them if they have a crush on SOMEONE not a boy or a girl, because once it is put in their mind that they are meant to have a crush of a particular gender, it takes years for it to be undone.  It is when we as a society accept the fluidity that is our sexuality that we can create a generation where they are able to have healthy sexual relationships free from hatred and judgement by those who don’t understand.

Even as an adult, don’t feel trapped because you identify as straight.  If you have a crush on someone of the same gender, explore it, what’s the harm?  Go on a date, chat about life, and who knows, this could be the person you choose to spend your life with.  It is never too late to explore your own sexuality!  Don’t let stigma stop you from what feels right.

At the end of the day, don’t force a label upon yourself. Decide what you need to feel healthy, happy, and loved.  Because yes there are people of every ethnicity and gender and sexuality that you could be with, but what matters most is if they are a good person.